A LETTER FROM MOM

Dear Friends,

Please forgive me for using Slobberdog for a "Mommy letter".  I needed to get this letter out to my Facebook friends, but it is too long for a Facebook page.  The only way I could think to do it, was like this.  Thank you for your understanding:

Well, here I am! Before I even start I want to thank you all for your love, your good wishes and your prayers during my time of need. I can only imagine what confusion there must have been amongst you all, concerning my condition. Well, if you could see my face now, you would see a great, big smile. Because, dear friends ... I hope it was not too much of a shock for you to discover that Thea Jarvis is indeed, human! She doesn’t glow in the dark. And no, she cannot walk on water. She is made of flesh and blood just like all the rest of us!

It was a simple case of having burned the candle on both ends for too long. Running and running until I was running on empty, and that brought me to a standstill. I, of all people, should have known better, but you find yourself on that treadmill and you are marching; day and night, day and night ... it just goes round and round until one day you fall over. And that’s what happened to me.

What happened was that my call to duty became so strong that I could no longer hear the call of God in my life. If that happens, particularly in THIS line of work where you are giving so much of your inner being on a 24 hourly basis, you are sure to run into difficulty. When I survey that picture of myself, (poor thing!) I feel quite sad. Having once been a person who walked so easily and confidently with my God; who was able to bend a knee at the smallest beacon of God in my heart ... I had become very needy indeed.

Where once it was God and only God that I had relied upon for provision of anything we needed here at TLC, be it for the babies, the children, the volunteers, the family, the staff ~ any part of this large task ~ my confidence waned. The complete lack of time I spent in prayer crippled my relationship with Him. I found myself trapped by anxiety and fear and the spiral downward was pretty swift and painful.

There I was, no longer looking to God as my source and my help; but turning to the world instead. Like the proverbial prodigal son, I sat at the feet of the world, with a begging bowl in my hand. That was a very tragic state of affairs for a child of God to find herself in.

My first wake-up call was when somebody I dearly love and respect and who has made an incredible impact on TLC’s funding over the years, took issue with the fact that I have a little cross at the bottom of my e-mail, as part of my signature. She said that it was very unprofessional and that crosses belonged in graveyards and not on e-mails. She demanded that I remove it ... or else!

This happened at a time when our funding was at its lowest since the very inception of TLC. It threw me into a terrible turmoil. I felt so incredibly threatened by those two little words “or else” yet at the same time I felt that all the angels and saints in heaven were standing on tippy-toes ~ and peering down ~ watching ... to see what I would do. And I COULDN’T do it! Whatever the cost ... my little cross had to stay. Professional or not!

Obviously, my little friend does not know Jesus. And I feel certain that she will be reading this letter! She could never understand that I find all my energy and inspiration in the power of that cross. So neither she, nor her words were an issue really. The issue was the fact that I had actually faltered. I had actually stopped (even though it was only for a short time) but I had stopped to consider the consequences of her threat. It was a sudden and frightening awareness of my spiritual condition.

I have heard Christians say, over the years ... that the way back to the Father is never easy. It is fraught with guilt, pain, fear and just plain heartache. The accuser is there in all his might and force to keep you where you are. I never understood it until now. It was really hard. After I wrote you all that last letter, I came to my little Postinia all broken, and yet I imagined that after a few prayers and reading of the Bible, I would be good as new. If only it was that simple!

It was a real struggle. In fact, at one point it was sheer agony. But thank God there came a point when his grace finally shone through and tears started to pour, and then you must know ... where there are genuine tears ... God is always near. So from then on slowly but surely there was progress and healing and I am so happy to tell you that today I am really fine. Even my broken heart of seven years, has finally been healed.  My Christian flag is flying high and there’s peace in my heart once more. A lovely, warm, special peace that ‘passes all understanding’. Thank God! And thank all of you for your love and your prayers and your patience and kindness. I really love every single one of you ... very deeply.

My life has changed for the better. One of the problems that led to my demise was the fact that I had to rise at about 5am-ish every morning so that Pippa and I could get all the school kids breakfasted, dressed and ship-shape for school. I could never see a way that I could find time to pray because of this. By the time they left for school and I had managed to tidy myself up for duty ... it was past 8 o’clock, and I thought that was too late for prayer. And by evening time I was so tired, I couldn't stay up passed 8 pm.

Silly me! There is always a way ... So, now I still do all those things in the morning, and then at 8 am I head for Postinia where I spend 2 quiet hours, praying, reading my Bible, listening to beautiful music ... all kinds of things that build you up on the inside. And I am really happy with this state of affairs. It means that my day starts on a high ... I can get prepared for whatever comes my way during the day. It’s really great and has given me a new lease on life.

Altogether I was ‘away’ for three weeks. I spent two silent weeks in Postinia and then one week in Swellendam with my brother Jerry and his good friend, Yvonne. It was a wonderful time of ‘catching up’ with my brother, and also my cousin, Nel, who now stays in Swellendam as well. It helped me to rediscover all the goodness and inner nourishment that can be had from your family and those that you love.

I also visited my nephew Gerard in Cape Town which was very special. These were very neglected matters in my life, and I will not allow that situation to repeat itself, ever!

I also want to take this opportunity of thanking so many of you for following Jesse & Kieran’s blog. Their self-image is soaring right now and it has been so good for them. I am considering offering the opportunity to the other kids as well, even though most of those don’t have the same “gift of the gab” that the twins have. I still think there is a psychological element to it that should be harnessed for all of them because of the benefits they will receive. But I will have to wait until we get some help because it can be very time consuming!

Actually, I am toying with the idea of setting up a blog for myself as well and writing after my two hours here at Postinia in the mornings. But I will wait until Pippa is back from Denmark before I embark on such a courageous endeavour!

God bless you all, dear friends and families ... thank you again for your patience and understanding.

And for all my friends in Denmark, I will be thinking of you this coming weekend as you enjoy yourselves at Bosoere, with my little Pippa! She is very excited and I know that she is in for a great treat! Please remember I will need pictures!

All my love to you,

Always,

THEA